Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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