it wasn't lemon gatorade
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize