He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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