There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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