I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
