I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
