Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
