Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
