It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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