Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
