I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
