After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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