She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
