i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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