Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
