It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
