So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
