Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
