Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
