I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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