I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
