I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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