apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
