sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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