two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize