Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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