M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
