if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
