all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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