I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
