I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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