you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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