Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize