I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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