I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
