if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
