Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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