Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need to align my fucking chakras
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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