im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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