i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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