If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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