its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
