he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
