just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
