I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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