try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
