I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
