I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
