I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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