Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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