He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
