the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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