I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
