he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
