help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
