I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
