remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
