Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
