you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
