Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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