her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
