he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
