bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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