the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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