apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
