Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
