What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
