I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
