I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
