covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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