eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
