why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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