do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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